I have started to describe Owen as a Lamborghini. He must be.
Everyone stops to stare at Lamborghini’s
and other fancy cars. After all you don’t see them every day do you? They are so rare and special you can’t help
but notice them. That’s Owen, he’s rare
and special and people can’t help but notice him. So he is a Lamborghini.
I'm the type of person who likes to blend in, not be the
centre of attention. So I've had to get used to the fact everyone remembers Owen and therefore me. This is not all
bad. The majority of people are lovely,
asking how he is when he isn't with me.
Offering assistance if they can. People
often go out of their way to help Owen and I.
For that I am grateful.
When we go to the shops we get lots of stares and looks from
the people who do not know us. Let’s put
the Lamborghini, oops Owen, into perspective.
He’s different, you don’t see kids like him every day. He has a killer smile, makes loud (and at times
unexpected) noises, doesn't play with
age appropriate toys and is in a wheelchair.
Kids (OK adults too) are often
curious, they can see he is big (he is a
tall 8) but developmentally he is a baby and they want to know why he isn't like them. Some circle for another look.
Some nearly run into posts as they aren't looking at where they are going (Ok
maybe a couple of times, on a bad day, I’ve been secretly disappointed they
haven’t). I'm lucky Owen isn't bothered by it. I can’t imagine how hard it would be if he was
uncomfortable and I know that is a sad, hard fact for some families.
I find most people aren't trying to be rude they just don’t
know what to do or say when they come across kids like Owen. How do
I handle it? Do I ignore it? Sometimes
yes but for the most part I use a gentle approach and educate them. I thought I would share how I handle things
in case it helps you work out your own tactics.
Getting a handle on it makes outings so much more enjoyable and
doable. If your reading this and you don’t
have a special needs child, maybe you can encourage your child to say hello if
you notice them staring.
With children I try and catch the eye of the child and smile
at them. If they are in front of me in
the queue or circling us at the park, I
tell them they can say hello if they want and that he likes that. I also explain that although he won’t say
hello back he is listening to them. I
make sure the parent sees me and is aware of the conversation. Most of them will take the cue and encourage their kids to say hello to
Owen. If kids ask questions, I don’t take it as
them being rude, I take it as an opportunity to help them understand kids like
Owen. I answer their questions with
basic answers. Some common ones are:
- Why is he in the wheelchair? His legs don’t work very well and he can’t walk yet.
- Will he walk one day? We hope so, he is trying to learn.
- Why is he still a baby? His brain is a little bit different and doesn't work as well as yours and mine.
- Why? Sometimes these things just happen, he was just made/born differently
- Will he talk? We don’t know but he already lets us know what he wants. I can tell he likes you and is listening to you.
- Can he see? Yes, but not like you, his eyes work differently. Even though he isn't looking straight at you he is watching.
- I might also say, he loves other children and listening to them talk or watching them play.
It’s not just the kids that stare, adults do sometimes too. They tend to be more subtle than kids. They don’t circle us at the playground or run
into posts ;-). Again, I try and catch
their eye and smile at them. If they ask
questions I answer them. Sometimes with
more detail. Sometimes it might be a
quick answer and move on quickly. Some
of them really suffer from foot in mouth disease. Since I am not immune and have also suffered
from its effects, I try and focus on what it was they were trying to convey rather
than their words.
What should you do? It’s up to you and what you feel up to
doing and what your child can handle.
Good luck.
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